Formal Roast: “Wish I Was Here” & “Free Fall”

Today has been stupid thus far so i’m going to be mean to 2 movies via form poetry.


 

1. Wish I Was Here, directed by Zach Braff (2014)
(summer movie release, viewed at the Alamo)

Things learned: It is hard
for white men when the bit part’s
for a black actor.

But in such moments,
mocking Spanish accents brings
fun & therapy.

Life is ramshackle;
movies about it should be
too. Substance? For dweebs.

Sometimes, characters
should remain sketches. It keeps
things fresh, keeps things free.

Sprinkle a few pop
philosophy monologues
over bed of jokes

too Raw to be called
“half-baked.” Unfunny? Nah, yr
just too fake. Add Cat

Power*, Bon Iver.
Stir; the audience wants you
-r wizdom (deepass Shit).

Sorry, man.

2. Free Fall, directed by Stephan Lacant (2013)
(random Netflix pick)

The first German film i’ve seen—
i was not impressed.**
The gay relationship lacks substance
(did you come for hott sex?).

& i was not impressed
with a plot stolen from my high school play.***
Did you come for hott sex?
Well, it’s lukewarm, at best.

A plot stolen from my high school play
with less delightful characters, it must be said.
Lukewarm, at best,
my reaction to the protagonist’s implosion.

And the less-than-delightful characters
paint baby-rooms and do prenatal yoga.
My reaction to the protagonist’s implosion?
You’re really late

to painting your baby’s room and doing prenatal yoga
because you were fucking a man against a truck in the rain?
I really hate
how tidy that makes the universe.

Because it’s mostly a fuck against a truck in the rain,
the gay relationship lacks substance.
How tidy it makes the universe,
the first German film i’ve seen.****


*i mean, not to say that i’m not listening to Cat Power as i type…
**obviously not at all to say that this little number represents German cinema at large.
***seriously, huge parallels!!
****more srsly, i am well aware that, given the fucked-up culture that prevails concerning sex, sexuality, and desire (among other things), many same-sex relationships are: ill-fated, clandestine, unmanageably complicated, downright tragic, or some combination thereof. and yes, brokeback mountain makes me cry like no other. but there are other kinds of serious gay (love) stories to be told! and i want those.

 

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